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January 13, 1985
Dearest Lord [Name Deleted],
Here, I have finally summoned the will necessary to yield to your demands. It is not an unusual tale, I think, and is made so distasteful to me only because I cannot yet find the strength to distance myself from it, despite the great passage of time. I pray this missive lays to rest the many questions you possess, for I shall not speak of this again. Even for you.
Born the February 6th after your departure, I was given the name [Name Deleted]. Mother saw me as a gift, left to her in parting by her Druid lover...you. I know now that you knew nothing of the pregnancy, or my birth until a very, very long time after. Unfortunate. The rest of the family saw me only as the Bastard. I was the shame of our clan. While other girls my age had the opportunity to learn music and history, or marry and have families of their own, I was hidden away. Always, I must keep from drawing attention to myself, and thus my bastard status. Thus I became the spinster aunt. Unwanted, and often unnoticed, even by my own. Besides the midwives and old wise women, few spoke to me ever, lest my stigma besmirch them somehow, and certainly none thought to court me. For none would take an un"favored" Bastard to wife. I did not even have a spinning wheel or loom of my own to bring to new home, should a potential husband dare to offer.
My mother did love me to distraction, but then the years continually visited us without benefit of your accompaniment, and soon everything became her distraction. She truly loved you, my mother. She sickened, first in the mind (I'm told) and then in body. She died when I was still a young girl of seven or so summers. It would seem that most of the family's tolerance of me followed her to the grave.
Thus, shortly after, I stowed away in one of our tradeswagons going west. I had thought to be doubly helpful to my family, first by being gone, and second by cooking and doing the mundane and hated chores for the camp, along the way. Such the fool, was I. The beating I got when I was discovered was sufficient to cause all previous ones, even those after Mother's death, to pale in comparison. I did most sincerely regret my actions. But we were too far gone from home to turn back immediately, so my plan did not fail entirely.
My resourcefulness and capacity for discretion did not go unnoticed on that journey. By the time we returned home, I had proven my worth to the men, and even the women admitted I had some use. For the first time, I was treated with a modicum of respect. Since the family didn't mislike the notion of my taking prolonged absences, my continued traveling was actually supported and approved.
As no one could be expected to protect me from the dangers of the road, I learned how to protect myself in small ways. Gradually, over time, I mastered the ability to look others in the eye, and to stand my ground in a fight.
There is little else to tell of which you do not already possess knowledge. I traveled far and wide with the caravansarai, met and learned from the wisewomen of many places, and eventually ended up in the dungeons of the Tower, with Graem. Before he made me what I now am, those were the most idyllic days imaginable. He seldom raised his voice or struck me, and cared not at all about the circumstances surrounding my birth. My belief is that any Student would have served just as well as I, to his mind. Even so, I am glad it was me and not another, for I never saw kin again 'til I found you, and to this day have not had to greet again any of those who raised me.
That is my tale, father. Do you take it and be satisfied, for there is no more I will impart to you. That which I have set down here, for you, is more than I cared to remember. Know you that your craving was likely the only force that could have induced me to say so much as I have. Any lesser impetus would have failed.
Now I do completely and permanently change the topic: It is with great pleasure and anticipation that I await our visit to the other Estates in this region. Kindly inform me of the details and I shall do what I must to be released from my Lady's Court for the appropriate time span.
-- Your Obedient Servant
Jaime MacGregor
P.S. Do you see now why I chose my current use-name? It sounds close enough to my own name that I answer to it easily and without that possibly deadly hesitation which plagues many a name change. That's me, ever practical! Ha ha.
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